Madame McGee's Strawberry Soda
by Lestityp's Puttin' on the Ritz
Summary: Vaskalor and his group need to conquer something. Until one night in Mossflower Woods... Details inside, for BJ memorial contest. rated T for swearing.


Disclaimer:_ oh come on we already know i don't own redwall, nor any of the refrences therin. _

_A/N prepare to be amused! Yes, this story is a project for the Brian Jacques annual memorial whatsitmabob contest, and i rather hope you enjoy! I don't really mind the reviews, WORD OF WARNING, dont be crappin on me for not tabbing, FF on my computer is wierd and wont let me tab when i type stories. neither the grammars and the LOL's, and again, i wouldn't mind reviews, just... do it if you want to._

Madame Mcgee's strawberry potion

By Discord's Apprentice

In Mossflower woods, a young ferret, named Vaskalor, was sitting by a small fire with his small excuse for an army.

The entire group was displeased with Vaskalor, and would soon plan rebellion, if the ferret didnt get them something to do soon. All of them were currenly eating a large cooked fish that a couple of them wrangled out of the river that morning.

They had plenty of food, and weapons, long enough to last them for seasons. But Vaskalor... Just couldnt make up his mind.

"I sez, we storm that one mountain again!" a rat named Bowgar said.

"What mountain? Salamandaston? Addlebrain! We couldnt stand a chance! We haven't even_ tried_ to fight those 'orrible ones in de mount!" said a fat and ugly looking stoat, named Bruman, with ugly looking scars across his face, and long dreadlocks coming off his fat head.

Spitting a fish bone into the fire, Vaskalor was getting annoyed at his group's rantings.

"But I sez we-" Bruman was instantly cut off, by Vaskalor tugging fiercely on one of his dreadlocks, and the fat stoat fell backwards, fish flying off a distance, away from the fire, and wine spilling all over Bruman's fat gut.

"JUST SHUT UP!" Vaskalor yelled at the fat stoat. "JUST SHUT UP ALL OF YOU SO I CAN THINK! FLYING SQUIRRELS AND ACORNS, YOU GUYS ARE WORSE THAN YER MOTHERS!" Vaskalor yelled at all of them, while clutching his head with his claws.

"Our mothers...?" a young and confused ermine named Karl asked, with a bit of fish halfway to his mouth.

Suddenly, out of rage, Vaskalor threw Bruman's log he was using as a seat at Karl. Karl doubled over, log hitting him square in the stomach,doing almost the same thing as Bruman, fish flying out of his hand and wine jug breaking on his stomach.

Another rat, named Bellfargg, started to laugh, laugh, and laugh some more. even when Bruman, Karl, and Vaskalor were on good terms again, Bellfargg laughed the harder.

Another rat, named Jelly, with his brothers Peanut and Butter, said to him "Alright... you can stop naow..."

But Bellfargg turned his attention to the PB and J brothers. Bellfargg then went insane, and started to scream,

"**_ITS PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY_** TI-"

"FUS RO DAH!" Vaskalor threw Bruman's log at the estranged rat, hitting Bellfargg square in the head, and then some, as the blow knocked Bellfargg into the woods, until a tree stump stopped his screaming body from issuing the horrendus noise further.

"And that ends the life of yet the first arsehole in this story." Butter said to himself.

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HALF A UNIVERSE AWAY, IN THE SMALL CAVE NEXT TO THE VERMIN'S HIDEOUT

Madame McGee, the ugly old shrew wife, stirred away at the brew in her pot, adding one ingredient after another, until the purple liquid turned a happy shade of pink. Her grandson, Frenn, had agreed that day to help her with the 'potion'.

"But Ive been here all nine weeks, ive never broken a rule and then this GUY comes in and thinks he knows everythin', yet NOBEAST knows everything, innit that right grumma?" Frenn was intentionally trying to annoy McGee into letting him go home.

"Shut up and try this." she said, holding out a cup of the liquid. Frenn promptly drank it, and fell over off of his chair, presumably dead. McGee smiled, and went back to work.

Frenn instantly popped back into his chair, in less than a second, had said "TASTESGOODNEEDSSUGARTHOUGH."

McGee looked surprised, and said "What?"

"PUTMORESUGARINANDITWILLBEOKAY."

"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you."

Frenn started to rage, much to McGee's enjoyment.

" FORCRYINGOUT LOUDBLAHBLAHBLAH NEEDS... SUGAR...BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH..."

As he was mouthing off, she grabbed an entire 10 pounds of sugar and dumped it into the liquid. To the reader's surprise, the liquid did not turn rock solid, but rather (in troll physics) the liquid stayed liquid, and it gave off a good strawberry sugary scent. She handed the cup to him, and he downed it in one gulp.

To EVERYONE'S surprise, He fell UPWARRDS. AND HIT THE ROOF. THEN CAME BACK DOWN. ARMS AND LEGS FLAILING RAPIDLY, HE HIT THE WALLS, THAN STAYED, GLITCHING OUT IN A CORNER. His eyes, which were derped up before, then went straight, and HUGE. as he was glitching out in the corner, all he could manage was "wwwwwooooowwww..."

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IN THE VERMIN CAMP HALF A UNIVERSE AWAY

Bowman smelled the air, and said "Tastes like... strawberries..."

much to the camp's horror, Bowman started to hover into the air, a feat that they have seen before, and like a monorail, followed the sent, the scent seeming to be dragging him along by his nose. His legs and arms, which used to be jittry before, went straight, and dangled.

"Mother of God... Hes traveling by MAP!" Peanut yelled out loud, as a translucent map with the red lines that were moving went behind the screen as the rest of the group followed behind Bowman, and the red line went a full 3 centemeters and before long, they had made it to Madame McGee's humble abode. (Sadly enough, you could see their camp from the cave.) "Present ARMS!" the entire group stood in a line in front of the cave, holding disembodied dummy arms out in front of them. The group of idiots walked towards the cave, but only two of them made it inside, for the rest had walked straight into the sides of the cave.

Once all of them were safely inside, Vaskalor dismissed the spazzing shrew in the corner, and said to Bruman: "Read the articles of surrender!"  
>"Aww but boss... Its not finished yet!" Bruman loudly complained, dropping his dummy arm to the floor.<p>

Facepalming, Vaskalor replied "Just... say it..."

"Alright then... come on boys, 1 2 3 4"

The group did a full circle, then started to sing.

"We're no strangers to love,

You know the rules, and SO DO I!

A full commitments what im,

Thinkin of

You wouldnt get this from any other guy!

I just want to tell you how im feeling,

Gotta make you

Understand!

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down,

Never gonna turn around and desert you.

Never gonna make you cry, never gonna SAAAYYY goodbye,

never gonna tell a lie and hurt you."

Bruman stepped out and did a solo, singing

"We've known each other,

for so long.

Your heart's been aching but..

Your too shy to say it!

Inside we both know what's goin on.

We know THE GAME and we're

gonna play it!

And if you ask me how im feelin'

Don't tell me your too,

Blind to see!"

the group then continued

"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down,

Never gonna turn around and desert you.

Never gonna make you cry, never gonna SAAAYYY goodbye,

never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

Never gonna turn around and desert you.

Never gonna make you cry, never gonna SAAAYYY goodbye

never gonna tell a lie and hurt you."

Vaskalor turned to the old shrew wife, who then burst out laughing.

"HEE HEEE HOO HOO YOU THINK THAT WAS FUNNY? HEE HEEE HOOO HOOO YOU BOYS... *cough cough*YOU BOYS... *cough cough*" she said as she fainted.

"Talk to me, goose!" Vaskalor said as he picked up the old hag of a shrew wife. He shook her around, then ordered his men to tie her to the chair.

"An' when she comes around, ill drink ALL the liquid in this rather unsuspecting pot!"

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_A/N, ask me questions via PM and ill gladly answer them on the next chapter._

_FEEEEEEEED MEE YOUR FEEEDBACKS! THE INNER MONSTER INSIDE IS HUNGRYYYYYYYYYYYYY *Noms on internet cookie.*_


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